English as a Foreign Language

Last night (Sunday) I caught a ride with friends to a nearby city called Aix-en-Provence to go to "English Church". The church is pastored by a Californian couple, and caters mostly to English speaking university students in Aix. I realized that I haven't been to an English speaking church service since early September. And it felt just as foreign as it did when I went to my first French church service a year ago. I could hardly adjust to hearing English and not having to fight to understand the message the pastor gave (although he did speak too fast, even if it was in English!). I even met 2 couples that I had gone to language school with! Small world!

I especially appreciated being able to sing worship songs in English. It helped me feel connected again. Until last night, I hadn't realized how foreign church was feeling to me, how I was just getting used to the fact that I didn't fit in or feel like I was getting much out of it. I think I'll try going to the English service once a month or so.

We sang one hymn that was over 500 years old. The acoustics were great in this old old church. It even has a plaque quoting a letter that Martin Luther wrote to the church to encourage the believers when they were being persecuted. How's that for a history lesson?!

After church, we went to a bistro for hot chocolate and visited. One of the guys that was at our table is seeking political assylum in France because his life is at risk if he gets deported back to Lybia. He told us a bit of his faith journey as well, how he came to believe the Bible was true and when he chose to believe that Jesus was God. He hasn't told any of his family back in Lybia yet, knowing that when he does, they will cut all ties with him, and perhaps endanger his life further. Man, I have no idea what that would be like.

Besides that heavy conversation, we did talk about other things, including the weather in Canada and how cold it can get in winter. Once again, I found myself explaining that life does not stop once it gets below -25 C. And, yes, I've seen bears, but not in my front yard.

Thoughts

I've been reading a great book called "Telling Yourself the Truth" by William Backus and Marie Chapian.
It's all about recognizing how you talk to yourself, especially concerning the negative, self-destructive thoughts. Did you know that your thoughts can actually alter your glandular, muscular and neural behaviour? Our thoughts influence the way we feel. Our thoughts also determine (to a degree) our behaviour.
I never realized it before but I think alot of negative things about myself. I never thought anything of it until I read this book. I don't know why, but I can so easily think bad/negative things about myself but would never let anyone else put me down the way I do myself. I'd never let anyone say "You can't do anything right, Jen" and yet, I tell myself that a lot. And it's a big fat lie. So the key to this book is first hearing your own self-talk, and recognizing the lies that you tell yourself and then replacing them with Biblical truth. Backus and Chapian are both Christian counsellors with years of experience. It is based on the Bible, not manmade inventions or speculations. Each chapter has a different focus, one on anger, another on anxiety, etc.
So if you're looking for a good read, something that will help transform your thinking, your behaviour, I recommend this book. They've also written a few other books that I may read later. I just need to work on putting into practice the points that were in this book first!
I've been going through a slump lately and this book has been a help to turn around a lot of negativity that has been creeping in slowly but surely over the weeks. I need to turn to the Bible for the Truth, and to God to be reminded of the value I have in His eyes.

Random Moments With Jen

On the metro, going downtown: 2 men hop into my cabin, one starts playing the violin, the other plays the accordian. Nice upbeat music to cheer up the place. Unfortunately, I had to get off at the next stop and didn't have time to give them a tip.

On my way to work (caught a ride with coworkers b/c it was pouring down rain). An old man standing in the middle of the road as cars zoomed past him. He was waving at us to stop and as we got closer we saw that he had a cane. We stopped, he asked for a ride, we let him in, and he started telling us why he used a cane. When he was young, he was pruning trees, and fell and broke his femur. And in less than 5 minutes we were at his stop, he got out and we wished each other a good day.

On the Bright Side

As a contrast from my last post about homesickness, I wanted to write about some positive things that I appreciate about France and Marseille. Aside from being homesick, there are many bright spots along the way and many things that I will miss about France when it is time to pack up and move on. In little more than 6 months now. Man, where does the time go?

Anyways, here's a list, in no specific order, of things that I love about where I'm living now:
*the food (of course!). I could ramble on and on, listing specific things I love from French chocolate truffles to all the types of cheese. I will especially miss a special brand of licorice/mint tea, mango yogourt and fresh sea food.
*the parks and "green spaces" scattered around the city.
*the smell of sea air, depending on which way the wind is blowing.
*the museums, art galleries and cultural spaces around the city, here's hoping I can get out more and explore them all!
*movies! There are lots of European and foreign films showing.
*French music. I'm starting to get to know some of the more popular artists and their "tubes" or "hits".
*Markets, both fresh produce markets and artisinal markets. During Christmas I bought a silk scarf, hand-painted just outside of Marseille. And this Thursday, I bought some homemade rye bread at a produce market near home.
*French t.v. I especially get a kick out of watching my favourite English shows (CSI, Alias, etc) in French. And of course, they've translated all the popular movies like Mission Impossible, Harry Potter, etc. I also really like their newscasts, they really seem to be indepth and take a worldview on news, not just staying locally. They also do interesting documentaries, like the history of King Louis IX, or the Egyptian pyramids.
*the art of conversation. The French know how to talk, to converse, to share, to discuss. It's a bit overwhelming at first but I mostly sit back and take in the conversation, until they ask my opinion...at which point I hope I have something semi-intelligent to add.
*fashion, beauty, taking time for yourself. I don't think I've ever worn more jewelry or make-up anywhere else but here! I'm having fun, feeling girly, pretty and feminine.
*the relativley mild winters, the sunshine, and the bluest blue sky I've seen, even more so than the open sky of Saskatchewan.
*my friends at church, the office, and my neighbours. I've met some amazing people here!
*stopping in to visit the old Catholic church on my way home. It's a quiet place to think and pray, apart from my busy day. I especially like the stained glass windows and how they glow as the sunsets behind them.
*my walks through the park, to and from the office.

Well, that was a good exercise in positive thinking. Definitely helped my homesickness/blue feeling. I should do this more often!

Homesickness

I am homesick. I'm not sure how to describe what I'm going through but I'll try. I think the Christmas season set it off, not being home with family for Christmas and also missing the typical Canadian "white" Christmas. No snow, no family here. I'm missing my family, my friends back in Canada and those that are scattered around the world. I'm missing Canadian culture, Canadian food, vocabulary, politics, sports, weather and t.v. I'm missing Tim Horton's, Canadian Tire and Zellers. I'm missing Hockey Night in Canada, the World Juniors Finals, and curling. I'm missing CBC world news and Corner Gas. I'm missing being able to say things like "pogey", "screech" and "toque" and have people understand what I'm talking about. Not that screech comes up in conversation very often, but that's not the point. I'm missing hearing about the Canadian Federal election, although I've already voted by mail. I'm missing perogies, cabbage roles, cranberry sauce, and blizzards. Not to mention my mom's cooking...oh don't get me started. I'm missing being able to watch t.v. in English, being able to pick up the phone and call a loved one without scheduling a time to call so that I don't wake them up with the time difference. I'm missing being able to drive a car, to ride a bike, to see the stars at night.

Well this is turning into a long list of things that I'm missing in Canada or about Canada. But all this missing is causing me to feel a little blue. I'm struggling to keep my attitude positive and also to make sure I don't take my homesickness to another level, which usually turns into hating the culture or place that you're in. There are things about France, and Marseille in particular, that are annoying, frustrating and irritating. But it doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just different. I have to see the good and get past my irritation. And ride out this wave of homesickness. I'm reading a book called "Timbit Nation, A Hitchhikers View of Canada" so that's helping fill in some gaps and also making me laugh at the Canadian culture. I'll tell you about the book in another post.

Jen Votes

I just finished licking the envelopes (3) shut on my "special ballot" in order to vote in the Canadian federal election. I had to apply by fax for a special ballot to be mailed to me. Just by filling in an application and photocopying my passport, I was able to get this little package within a week. Wow! So I wrote down my candidate's name on the special ballot (on the bottom right), put it in the inner envelope, put that in the outer envelope and then put that in the mailing envelope. Stamped and ready to mail tomorrow, giving it lots of time to arrive in Ottawa before the polls close on election day. Kind of nice not to have to stand in line to vote this year.
Here's hoping that this government doesn't cheat us out of billions of tax dollars. Oh, no...I'm not bitter...well, maybe a little, yeah.
Get out there and vote Canada!