Attitude Check

There have been many times these past months, that I've wondered what the heck I'm doing here. Linked to that have been times when I just plain didn't want to BE here. An example follows...after a busy week at work, not being organized enough to buy groceries all week, I finally got myself together and decided to go shopping to fill my sadly empty fridge. After dragging a very full basket around the store, I stood in line, only to be told that I was in the wrong line to pay with a visa. I left my groceries with the clerk, walked over to another section of the store, paid with my visa, after showing a picture ID, walked back to my groceries, lugged my heavy backpack on and walked to the bus stop. 15 mins later the bus finally arrives but its jam packed. I mean there is no room for one more person, let alone me with a buldging backpack and two hand bags of groceries. With sympathetic shrugs of the people barely fitting into the bus, I decided (now in a fowl mood) to walk the 1/2 hour home. Carrying 3 bags of very heavy groceries. Yea, I'm not a happy camper now. Then in crossing the street, a car honks at me, yelling out the window. If I had had a free hand...

About 3/4 of the way home I realized I was letting my situation rule my emotions, why was I letting this incident occupy my thoughts so much, colouring my reaction and my perception not only of my walk home, but of the entire nation of France, it's public transportation system, it's special "visa line" at the grocery store, etc. Why was buying groceries making me have murderous thoughts? I realized I had to check my attitude. And suck up my hard luck and move on. Carrying heavy groceries wasn't going to kill me, although my shoulders are still sore.

Now that I have tickets back to Canada for July, I'm trying to stay in the present, to enjoy each new day here, to remain positive, and most of all...not to check out early. I want to continue to live in France until my last minute before flying out. I don't want to start to disengage myself. I have to admit there is a sense of lightness, a sense of comfort in knowing that I have a ticket home, "a way out". But on the other hand, I'm starting to see things that I will really miss about being here, the culture, the people, the country, the...food. : )

I took the morning out today, just to read, relax, and journal a bit. I needed to reconnect and spend some time in prayer. It was a needed break. Now I'm ready for this week, and whatever else France has to throw at me. Here's hoping chocolate is somehow involved.